i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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