Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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