hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
