Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
