I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
