Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
