I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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