Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you guys were way drunker than both of me
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
