My friends, they love my intelligence
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
