my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
