absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
