if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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