I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
