blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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