Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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