Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize