I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
