hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
