You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
