She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
