Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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