I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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