i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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