Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
