She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
