i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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