You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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