Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
