Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
