I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
