she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
how does that bad decision feel?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
