he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
