Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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