I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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