its not stalking. its research.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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