so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
