Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
