Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
