We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
