He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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