Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
