You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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