The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
