I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
ok first of all what the fuck
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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