it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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