he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
