I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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