is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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