you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
