That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
