is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
that is very illegal...i love you.
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