I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
