it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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