He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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