Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
