I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize