it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize