Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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