Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
