I wish I only lived at night.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
