you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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