Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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