i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
