just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
