margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
