last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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