So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
