dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
home. puking in laundry basket.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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