WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
"it" just moved
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
