Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
