it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm passing your future prison.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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