I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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