How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
