I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
