Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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