I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize