Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Found the puke drawer
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
