Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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