My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
