A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
