i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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