It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
