So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
