He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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