and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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