Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
