we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
