If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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