I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
