Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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