You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The uberlube is also flammable
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
