I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
