so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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