We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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