I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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