so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
