we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
In America we eat man semen.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
