half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
