one two three fourrrrnication!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
