your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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