two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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