I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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