Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
