OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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