just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
