i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you didnt know i had herpes?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
