Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Is it penis luge time yet?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
