That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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